Post-Op Update

I am now 12 days post-op, and I'm feeling pretty good.  As of today, I have lost...

35 lbs

This pic was taken 5 days after surgery.

I am excited about the weight loss, but I will admit that eating is VERY difficult.  This was my Christmas dinner:

That is 2 ounces of watered down mashed potatoes and 1/2 slice of cranberry sauce. Doesn't that look delicious! 

2 week post-op doctor appointment is tomorrow.  I will have more pics and updates later.  Just wanted to give a quick update.  Thanks for following along.



Recovery

I am in recovery mode, but wanted to at least post about my progress. The surgery was difficult and the recovery is even worse. I have 5 incisions in my abdomen; one of them is bigger than the others (where they pulled my stomach out). They are all extremely sore and moving is very difficult.  They pumped loads of air in me during surgery so I am bloated and swollen from the trauma. I had a local anesthetic in my abdomen until yesterday. My mom had to pull 8 inches of tubing out of my stomach...it was down near my stomach where I am stapled together. This was not pleasant. The pics are a little gross, but as I said from the beginning, I will show and tell as much as I can. I will be able to post more pics from the actual hospital and will give a full rundown of what happened while I was there. For now it's time for me to rest. Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers.

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!

"When one approach is not working to reach the desired goal, that's not a reason to abandon the goal. Instead, it is time to devise another approach." - Ralph Marston

It has finally arrived!  TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!  Gastric Sleeve here I come!!!

 As of this morning, 12/16, my total pre-op weight loss is:

21.2 lbs

I am extremely happy with that number for the pre-op portion.  Now the big weight loss will begin! 

Thank you to Ashley May for drawing this fabulous cartoon for me today!  Your talent cannot be described in words my friend!

This will be my last post until next week.  Wish me luck!  Ashley will text everyone who has requested an update on Saturday!  Hugs to everyone for the well wishes and prayers!

Update - 4 Days Away!

I am officially 4 days away from surgery!  For so long, it felt like it would never get here, now the time is flying by!  I have been on all liquids since last Wednesday (7 days), and it is miserable.  No sugar coating that! 

My total pre-op weight loss is:

16.6 lbs

I will give an updated total on Friday before surgery.  I'm sure with 4 more days of liquids, there will be more weight loss!

Here is the before picture that I promised I would post.  YIKES!!!!!!!!

As I start to lose more weight, I will do a monthly before/after post so we can all see the progress.  This is super exciting.  I am so ready!

Is weight loss surgery the easy way out??

I have heard people say that weight loss surgery is the easy way out.  I have one thing to say to that...BULLSHIT!  Speaking strictly for myself, if I could lose weight any other way, then I would do it.  I am not choosing to undergo surgery and lose the majority of my stomach for funsies!  I also would not subject myself to the following diet:

This pre-op diet is a complete suckfest!  What you see above is all I can have.  My last morsel of normal food was on Tuesday, 12/6, at 7:30pm.  Since that time, I have only had clear liquids.  I will say that as of day 3, my body is starting to adjust a little.  The first 2 days were absolute hell.

Here is the post-op meal plan:

At this stage, I can have 3-4 ounces.  This will be the limit for the rest of my life. 

Stage 3 is a normal diet which will begin on February 5th.  So now you have detailed insight into my diet for the next few months.  Sounds like fun, huh?  I just have to keep my #1 goal in mind...HEALTH!



Liquid Diet

Today began the ALL LIQUID DIET!  I truly hope I can make it through these 10 days leading up to surgery.  This is totally my stomach right now...

I told it earlier if it didn't stop crying, I was just gonna take it out!  Hahaha...just a little gastric sleeve humor!

Anyway, not much else to say today.  Hope I don't gnaw my arm off while I'm sleeping.

The Pre-Op Cluster!

On Friday, 12/2/11, I went through the entire pre-op process that I have now appropriately named the CLUSTERF***!  I left my house at 6:45am on Friday morning and didn't get home until 5:40pm. 

My first appointment was with the Dietitian at 8:00am.  She went over the pre-op liquid diet which begins on Wednesday, 12/7/11.  It is a little piece of hell.  I was told that the purpose of this diet is to basically starve myself and shrink my organs for surgery.  Sounds fun, right?  Here is how it goes:

Meal 1:  Slim Fast Shake
Meal 2:  Slim Fast Shake
Meal 3:  Slim Fast Shake
Meal 4:  Slim Fast Shake

Meal 5:  Slim Fast Shake                               

I can have as much water, diet juice, sugar free jello and sugar free Popsicles as I want!  WOOHOO!  Can you sense my sarcasm?

The post-op diet sucks even more so, but the Dietitian said I will not have an appetite so I will have to force myself to drink!  Basically it is the same as the above, however weeks 1-3 I can only have 2 oz per meal.  Yep you read that right...2 ounces!!

Weeks 4-6 I move on to soft foods (bananas, oatmeal, etc) and I can have 3 ounces.  Weeks 7-the rest of my life I can have any foods but my tummy will only hold 4 ounces. 

Next stop was the ultrasound of my legs and abdomen.  That part went well and the tech said I have fantastic muscle tone in my legs so they will look great when I lose weight!  Score!

I packed up and headed to Baylor hospital in Dallas.  Went through the paperwork process first then went to visit the nurse.  She took all of the pertinent info and I made her make a huge note on my chart:  PATIENT HAS VENEERS...DO NOT EFF THEM UP!!  Hahaha, ok so it didn't really say that, but trust me it is noted! 

From there I went to have my EKG, Chest X-Ray and blood work.  This took HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!



So now everything is done, and the next step is showing up on the day of surgery.  I have to be there at 6:30am and my surgery will start at 7:30am.  Ashley will have access to my account and will post once I am in recovery.  Get ready for some exciting pics from the hospital.  I'm sure I will be a sight to behold!!

Surgery Date

I finally have a surgery date!!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17TH

I am so excited!  On Friday, 12/2, I have to go in for all of my pre-op appointments.  First I do blood work, then I meet with the Dietitian, up next is the ultrasound of my abdomen & legs (checking for gall stones and blood clots), and finally I meet with the surgeon.  From there I will be heading to the hospital to fill out all of my pre-op paperwork.  I can't believe I am only 18 days away from the beginning of a new life!  

My family will be taking great care of me.  Mom and Ashie will be there on surgery day then taking me home from the hospital on Sunday and my dad and grandmother are flying in from South Carolina on the 19th to help out.   

I will be posting a before picture at some point.  Then I will do side-by-side photos as I progress.  Thanks for coming along on this journey with me!

HAVE YOU EVER?

HAVE YOU EVER...

1. ...seen your ex's new gf/bf that they call "gorgeous" or "sexy" and felt insulted that they ever told you the same because the new gf/bf is so ugly?  YES
2. ...been watched so intently by someone that you could swear they were going to stare holes in you?  YES
3. ...disliked someone so much that the sound of their voice or mention of their name could make you want to punch them in the face?  YES
4. ...seen a baby and said "he/she is so cute" knowing that you are lying through your teeth?  YES
5. ...sang at the top of your lungs in your car, and swore that you could be a recording artist?  YES
6. ...sent out a tweet or fb msg that you meant to send as a direct message and embarrassed yourself horribly?  NO
7. ...been involved in a sexting relationship?  YES
8. ...been contacted by your boyfriend/girlfriend's ex who was an absolute lunatic?  YES
9. ...had someone tickle your back until you fell asleep?  YES
10. ...colored your hair and regretted it the second you saw it?  NO
11. ...thought of changing careers but couldn't figure out how to do it?  YES
12. ...drunk dialed someone in your contacts?  NO
13. ...led someone on just to get something material that you wanted?  NO
14. ...bought jeans a size to small for motivation, but never got into them?  YES
15. ...been asked to be in a wedding for someone you hardly knew?  YES
16. ...regretted falling in love?  NO
17. ...given someone a fake name when introducing yourself?  YES
18. ...slept with someone and can't remember their first name?  NO
19. ...wished for an endless night?  YES
20. ...wanted someone you knew you could never have?  YES
21. ...dated a celebrity/professional athlete?  YES
22. ...been friends with someone you actually couldn't stand?  YES
23. ...wished you would've continued your education?  NO
24. ...told someone you loved them, but realized you didn't?  YES
25. ...had someone betray your trust and tell a secret about you?  YES

APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!

I am in tears right now!  I just received the best phone call EVER!  The insurance company has approved my bariatric surgery!!!  I can barely contain myself.  The relief I feel cannot be explained.  I will be able to say "Goodbye Self" and welcome in a whole new me!  It is all about health and feeling good about who I am.  Thank you to everyone who sent up prayers for me...I am so appreciative!  Thank you GOD for hearing each prayer and answering!  I will talk to the surgeon sometime this week to get a firm date and will post.  I am so overwhelmed.

The Woes of a Big-Boobied Girl

Since my surgery is coming up, I decided that I would not be purchasing anything new in the way of clothes, shoes, undergarments, etc.  There is absolutely no sense in spending money on items that I will only wear for few months.  I was holding firm to this decision until I realized that out of the 20+ bras in my drawer, only 2 fit…BARELY.  I say barely because my left boob decided to grow a little more, and was starting to do that mini-bulge over the top of the cup (girls you know what I’m talking about).  I thought I could hold out but then tragedy struck!  One of my two bras bit the dust!!!  Well a girl can’t get away with only having one bra…it just isn’t possible.  Now time to face the big issues! 

Issue #1:  For years, I’ve had to special order my bras because regular stores don’t carry my size!

Issue #2:  I’m a bra snob!  It has to be the perfect fit.

Obviously I had to deal realistically with both issues.  So last night, I ran to Kohl’s in hopes of finding something that would last a few months.  I searched that store high and low and found ONE bra in my size!  Now of course, I didn’t find my size in those cute bras that are out on the hangers.  Oh no…my size was in one of those plastic baggies that are located in the pull out drawers!  Yep…hide the big ugly bras!  At this point, I didn’t care what it looked like; I was just excited to find one in my size.  I headed for the dressing room to try it on, and noticed that inside the baggy on the paper insert there was something brown!  No…don’t get grossed out, it wasn’t poop!  It was literally pieces of a candy bar!  I guess a big girl went into the dressing room to try on the bra, got depressed and had to eat a candy bar STAT!  I understand the necessity of that action for whoever tried it on before me!  Bra shopping sucks!  At least the chocolate wasn’t actually touching the bra!  Good news…THE BRA FIT!

Today, I am happy to report that the “girls” are lifted and looking lovely!  Truthfully, I can’t wait for these boobs to disappear!

Final Weigh-In

I had my final weigh-in on Friday, 11/11/11.  I will end up weighing one more time at the surgeon's office, but for insurance purposes, I AM DONE!  All of my paperwork (weight chart, psych eval, med list, letter of necessity) has been faxed to my bariatric case worker, and she has 15 business days to review and issue either approval or denial.  Time for praying, crossing fingers...whatever it is you do, please throw up some positive thoughts for me!  To me, this waiting process makes me more nervous than any of the procedures.  Nancy, the UHC nurse, holds all the cards at this point.  Please Nancy...approve this request!! 

My doctor, Mary Van Hal, and her nurse, Vidi Martinez, always go above and beyond for me!  They have been walking through this process with me from day 1, and I appreciate them so much.  A couple of months ago, I wore my blinged out Rangers hat to their office.  They both loved it and said they wanted one!  So on Friday, I showed up with a little surprise for them...

 
Needless to say, they were excited and of course I had to get a pic!

So, for now I wait...I will update once I know something.  Positive thoughts people...positive thoughts!!!!

The Neighborhood Game

The Neighborhood Game

You live in a neighborhood full of famous (or infamous) people, and your street is always the topic of conversation.   Start with the name of your street, then detail who 5 of your neighbors would be and why.  Most importantly…HAVE FUN!

Street Name:  Controversial Lane

Neighbor #1:  The Duggars

This family of 20 lives in the cul de sac at the end of the street…God knows they need the space.  You may wonder why I would want 20 people living in 1 house on my street.  The answer is simple…built in help any time you need it!  You need your grass mowed…hire a Duggar.  You need leaves bagged…hire a Duggar.  You need the dog walked…hire a Duggar.  Surely with that many people, they would welcome the pocket change.

Neighbor #2:  Bobby Flay

AMAZING food at the block party…enough said!

Neighbor #3:  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Who wouldn’t want this hunk of man going for his afternoon run on your street?  I would make sure that he lost his way and ended up in my house!  Yep…I said it!!!

Neighbor #4:  Lindsey Lohan

Everyone needs a “crazy” neighbor to gossip about.  This girl provides plenty of material.  If she isn’t enough, I’m sure her crazy Dad, Michael, will visit and be the cherry on top of this dysfunctional sundae!

Neighbor #5:  Isaac Mizrahi

Every girl needs someone to knit and talk about fashion with!  This is the perfect candidate!!  Love him!!

Celebrity

The Celebrity Challenge:  Just for a moment, pretend you are a celebrity.  Answer the following questions based on your “celeb” status!

What kind of car do you drive?  Jaguar C-X16

Where do you live?  Vaquero - Westlake, TX

What are you known for?  Singing

Are you nice to the paparazzi?  Always

What is your favorite vacation spot?  Bora Bora

What is your favorite retail shop?  Barney’s New York

What was the last thing you purchased on your AMEX Black card?  Tickets to the World Series

Do you read gossip magazines about yourself?  Sure do…it’s fun to see what people are saying!

Who are you dating/married to?  Michael Young…of course!

What is your favorite restaurant?  Nick & Sam’s

Would you really want to be this person?  Yes and No

Top 5 Things I Love To Buy

So life if not about material things, but we all have items that we LOVE to buy.  These are my top 5 things:

1. SHOES - A girl can never have enough shoes. I cleaned out my closet recently and gave away 25 pair of barely worn (if worn at all) shoes. That still left me with triple digits in my closet. I consider this more of an addiction...it's ok...we all have one.
2. JEWELRY - In my very well organized closet, I have a jewelry keeper that holds all of my fashion jewelry. I'm not big on shopping for fine jewelry, although don't get me wrong, I love diamonds. My type of jewelry shopping is finding pieces that are fun/funky and completely different.
3. HATS - Fedora, Military Style, Newsboy Cap, Beret...turn bad hair days into cute hat days!
4. PERFUME - I am not the type of girl who buys one fragrance and sticks with only that. Currently, I have 8 different perfumes that I rotate depending on my mood. One thing I am not...chronic over perfume wearer...just a small amount will do ya!
5. SCARVES - Words cannot express how much I love wearing scarves. Ok, so that is a little overkill, but truly, they make me happy. You can take a regular outfit and turn it into something super trendy just by adding a scarf.

I'm sure I could come up with several more things that I love to buy.  I didn't list one obvious thing...clothes (especially Rangers gear).  I think that is just a given.  I don't even want to begin to count the number of red/blue/white Texas Rangers shirts and jerseys I own. We will just let that be a mystery.

Double Standard

I absolutely cannot stand male chauvinistic pigs who think I can’t possibly know a thing about sports just because I have the ability to recognize a good ass.  Men look at women all the time and talk about tits and ass, and somehow magically still know about sports!  Not women…we have no clue what is going on…we just watch so we can drool over the guys.  Complete bullshit!  I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard guys talking about Hope Solo, or reporters like Emily Jones & Erin Andrews and how hot they are.  Unless there is a complete double-standard (which there is), comments like this voided those men of any sports knowledge.   

On Saturday, I refused to get into a 144 character debate with @SportsByDallas regarding why Ron Washington should not be fired (to me his value is clear).  Due to the fact that I made a decision not to banter with this particular person, I was sent the following tweets.

@SCarolinaGrl10 I wouldn't trust the baseball opinion of someone more concerned with the asses of the players than their talent anyway.

@SCarolinaGrl10 But you have one of those cool washable tattoos on your face...so clearly you are an authority on the sport.

This person, who doesn’t know me at all, then went on to call me a self-loathing female.  They have no clue who I am, but now they are the authority on ME.  I guess they know ME better than I do.  By the way…did I mention that this person doesn’t even follow me?  So how do they now me so well??

So since I don’t know ME and I know nothing about baseball, hell all sports, I will keep my mouth shut and be the subservient, self-loathing female that this person called me out to be.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I COULDN’T EVEN WRITE THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE!  NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!

Getting it off my chest!

Last night during the Ranger game, I saw things written on Twitter that pissed me off to my core.  What ever happened to WE WIN AS A TEAM AND LOSE AS A TEAM?  For some people, the concept of team goes down the drain when a person makes an error, misses a pitch, strikes out…whatever the case may be.  Is it that easy to forget that these men are human and are not perfect?  We all get upset when a game doesn’t go our way, but imagine how the players feel! 

Every man on the field has reached the majors because they are good enough to be there.  Yet pieces of crap people sit on their couches and have the nerve to talk about how horrible a player(s) is, how they should be benched and how they “fucking hate” someone.  Nobody gives a shit about your opinion and constant need to put people down.  You are not a true fan of the team, so don’t try to act like you should win fan of the year just because you own a jersey, go to games and watch on TV. 

I know diehard fans…fans that have been with the Rangers through years of losing seasons…who never speak a bad word about individuals on the team.  They have a positive outlook…the “we will get them next time” attitude.  They have taken each loss for what it is, and have also celebrated each win!   To me, these are TRUE Ranger fans.

Twitter has exposed me to some wonderful people who love the game just like I do.  However, it has also exposed me to the type of people I do not like…people who are legends in their own mind and still talk about how great they were in little league.  Somehow they feel their MVP trophy in the 1988 Championship game gives them the authority to comment on major league players/managers.  Do me a favor…when you get called up to the majors and have walked a day in the shoes of a player/manager, then open your mouth.  Until then…SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I am just as devastated as the next person about the loss last night.  We had the game won and couldn’t keep it together.  There were multiple things that contributed to the loss:  infielders made errors, pitchers missed pitches, hitters struck out, closers couldn’t save the game.  Not one single person can be blamed for the outcome.  In the press conferences after the game, each player sounded confident about Game 7.  You didn’t hear any of them pointing fingers at teammates.  Each player will reflect upon the game and what they could’ve done to change the outcome.  Far be it from us to act as experts and spew a bunch of bullshit analysis out there.  They know what they have to do.  PERIOD. 

I will admit that there is one certain player that I do not like; however, it has nothing to do with his ability to play the sport.  It has everything to do with his attitude on and off the field.  That is all I will say about that!

I guess the only thing really left for me to say is GO RANGERS!

The Bar

She was sitting at the bar…scrolling through her cell with one hand and sliding her finger around the rim of her drink with the other.  Her shirt dipped just enough for him to see a couple inches of cleavage, but left enough covered to leave him wanting to see more.  He wasn’t sure what she was reading, but every now and then the corners of her mouth turned upward to form the sexiest smile.  He walked over to her, and as he opened his mouth to speak, she put her index finger over his lips and quietly whispered, “Shhhhhh!”  She stood up from the bar stool, grabbed his arm, and led him through the crowd.  He wasn’t sure where they were going, but he was obedient and continued to follow.  She pushed open the restroom door, pulled him into a stall and slammed the door.  Neither of them spoke a word…their eyes did all of the communicating.  He tried to kiss her and she pulled away.  He tried to touch her and she removed his hands from her.  Quickly she went to the waistband of his jeans, ripped off the button, stripped down the zipper, and slid them down while making sure to remove his boxer briefs all in one pull.  Her fingers trailed along his thigh and then gently stroked him.  Once she had all of him in her hand, she knelt down and took him all in.  He felt like a million tongues were all over him, and she gave special attention to every single inch.  He grabbed her hair as she moved back and forth on him.  He had never felt such perfection.  He could feel the back of her throat and throbbed uncontrollably in her mouth.  The climax was building and he knew it wouldn’t be long.  He tried to pull her away in an attempt to be gentlemanly…she refused.  She wanted to taste him.  That turned him on even more and she could hear him starting to pant.  He thrusted deep into her and exploded.  The warmth trickled down her throat, and she let out and sexy, “mmmmmmmmm!”  She stood up, looked at him, licked her lips and smiled.  The stall door opened, she walked out and he was left standing there in amazement.  He gathered himself and walked back out into the crowd.  She was nowhere to be found.  He left the bar and returned home.  He walked in the door and there stood his wife.  “Did you have a good night?” she asked.  “Amazing night!” he replied.  She gave him a wink and the same sexy smile he had seen at the bar.  “God woman you are amazing…I never saw that one coming!”

Psych Evaluation

Today I had my psychological evaluation, which is a pre-surgical requirement for my bariatric procedure.  For any of you that truly know me, you understand that it took everything in me not to mess with the Psychologist.  As much as I REALLY wanted to, I thought it would suck pretty hard if they ended up committing me!  So, I exhibited restraint and acted as "normal" as I possibly could.  I was completely expecting to be grilled on the following topics:

• Why have you gained weight?
• What measures have you taken to lose the weight before considering surgery?
• After surgery, will you look at an entire pizza and be depressed that you can't eat it?
• Are you doing this strictly for image reasons?

I didn't get a single question that was even remotely close to any of those.  Here is what I got:

• What medications are you currently taking?
• Have you been given detailed information regarding your surgery and the risks?
• Are you aware that complications can arise from this surgery?
• Why do you want to lose weight?

THAT IS IT!  It took me longer to fill out the paperwork and make my co-pay than it did to do the evaluation.  Something is wrong here, right?  Nope!  No follow-up visit, nothing...just 4 questions and my form is signed and ready to go!

Now, I know that I am fully ready and prepared for any complications/depression/etc that may arise.  However, I know that others out there would not be.  I sure hope that maybe she saw something in me that said "this girl has it together, so let her off easy!"  I know several people who have been through this surgery that were not prepared at all for the effects/changes after the procedure.  If you ever decide to go through something like this, make sure you know all there is to know about it.  Talk to people that have done it.  Get them to tell you all about the great things and the horrible things.  Don't let anyone sugar coat it for you...get the truth!

You can expect to get the truth here!  I will never sugar coat anything...so expect real details, no matter how graphic and horrible they are! 

My little secret...

Well here is a little nugget about me that I haven’t shared with a lot of people…I became a Grandma on October 20^th. 

HOW?  I thought you might wonder that.  Here is the story…

In 2001, I adopted my nephew when he was 10 years old.  He was given everything any child could ever ask for.  Spoiled was an understatement.  At the age of 18, he decided that he wanted a different life, and left home.  I have not seen him since November 17, 2008. 

To this day, I am heartbroken and destroyed by his ability to cast aside his family for drugs/alcohol/etc.  Even though I have not seen him in person in almost 3 years, I have seen pictures and he has talked to me via text a few times.  He looks horrible and does not even resemble the man I raised.  I truly don’t even recognize him.

I found out several months ago that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were expecting a little girl.  On October 20^th, Isabella was born.  I found out from his cousin via Facebook…another dagger to my heart.  Sadly enough, him hurting me has become so frequent that it is now expected.  Hate to say that I am becoming thick skinned against his antics, but it is quite true.

So I am a Grandma to a child I’ve not met, and mother to a son who decided that I wasn’t good enough, even though I took him in when NOBODY else wanted him.  Talk about feeling inadequate and unloved…really messes with your self esteem.

Alienating ME!

Today, for the first time in a while, I started realizing just how alone I truly am.  I have 3-4 people in my life that I am in constant contact with, but other than that, there really aren't many others.  Sure you can look at my list of Facebook friends and see plenty of people listed, but how many of them are true friends?  I will assure you that I can count them on 1 hand.  So, I've been thinking about WHY I have alienated myself from almost everyone and it comes down to one word...WEIGHT!  I am so petrified of being judged, that I refuse to let anyone from my past see me and shy away from meeting anyone new.  There have even been times when Twitter friends have asked to meet up, but I say no.  Here is why...

Once upon a time, I was at a Ranger game and happened to meet someone I was friends with on Twitter.  Before meeting this person, they were always nice to me. After that chance run-in, they completely changed the way they interacted with me.  I came to the conclusion that they must not have liked the way I looked and decided to snub me.

Now, this moment did not define me, but gave me that harsh realization that people can be cruel.  My defense mechanism to this is to ostracize myself from people in hopes of alleviating the hurt that follows being judged.  The truth of the matter is...I COULDN'T CARE LESS WHAT THIS PERSON THINKS OF ME, but if they acted like that, how many others would be the same way. 

Months have now passed, and my perspective has changed a little.

After a lot of nudging from my best friend, Ashley (@microash12), I finally decided to have another tweet-up with someone that I talked to quite a bit on Twitter.  I am so thankful that I did, because she has become an instant friend.  Thank you Leah Johnson (@leahjohnson79) for showing me that I don't have to be afraid. Also, thank you Ashley for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone!  I am eternally grateful to both of you for your friendship!

This may have been a little too much insight into me, but it was on my mind, so I decided to let it out.

My Kind of Weather!

This is me today...it is a hat and scarf day!

It is currently 58 degrees...perfect weather!  Rolled in with the sunroof open this morning so I could feel the cool air!

You see any temperature over 72 is not fat girl friendly!  I'm not using that in a degrading way, I am being perfectly honest.  I will speak for just myself though...others may handle the heat just fine.  I am not the type that likes to sweat for no reason.  If I choose to sweat then that is an entirely different story, as there are some activities that will result in what I like to call a glow.

I am a huge Ranger fan, however, I refuse to go to games in 107 degree heat.  The following things are not appealing to me:

1. Hot seats taking the skin off my legs.
2. Dehydration
3. Sunburns
4. Looking like I peed my pants, but really it's just sweat!

So, feel free to invite me to games that fall in April & May or September & October...I'm not available June-August!

The Dreaded Weigh-In

Anything worth having or doing requires effort and a process to get you through.  One major step of my surgical process is a monthly weigh-in.  This is a requirement by my insurance company.  They want to see your ability to "stick" with some type of eating/exercise plan prior to surgery.  Today was my 5th weigh-in out of 6.  I lost 5 more pounds!  Woohoo!  5 might not seem like a big number, but for anyone who has battled with weight, that is a major accomplishment.  Along with my weigh-in, I had to do bloodwork for the millionth time it seems.  At least they gave me a red bandage to match the Texas Rangers gear that I am wearing. 

I am exactly 4 weeks away from my final weigh-in.  Once that is completed, all of my weight charts, letters from doctors, and surgical recommendation will be sent to the insurance liaison.  She said it will take approximately 15 days to receive approval, so looks like I will be good to go for December.  Once I have a solid surgery date, I will post it. 

Esophogeal Manometry Test

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of experiencing an Esophogeal Manometry test. I'm thinking they should probably rename this PURE HELL...just my opinion.  Here is a little info about the test:

During the test

• You are not sedated. However, a topical anesthetic (pain-relieving medication) will be applied to your nose to make the passage of the tube more comfortable.
• A small (about 1/4 inch in diameter), flexible tube is passed through your nose, down your esophagus and into your stomach. The tube does not interfere with your breathing. You will be seated while the tube is inserted.
• You may feel some discomfort as the tube is being placed, but it takes only about a minute to place the tube. Most patients quickly adjust to the tube’s presence. Vomiting and coughing are possible when the tube is being placed, but are rare.
• After the tube is inserted, you will be asked to lie on your left side. The end of the tube exiting your nose is connected to a machine that records the pressure exerted on the tube. The tube is then slowly withdrawn. Sensors at various locations on the tubing sense the strength of the lower esophageal sphincter and the muscles of the esophagus. During the test, you will be asked to swallow a small amount of water to evaluate how well the sphincter and muscles are working. The sensors also measure the strength and coordination of the contractions in the esophagus as you swallow.
• The test lasts 20 to 30 minutes. When the test is over, the tube is removed. The gastroenterologist will interpret the recordings that were made during the test.

Now that is just the nice way of saying what is going to happen during the test.  Let me give you my version of the events:

• The nurse takes an air can (like you use to clean a keyboard) and inserts that long red straw thingy into your nose. She tells you that you will feel a cold sensation that may make your eyes water a little. She asks if you are ready, and thinking "how bad can a little cold air be," you say sure! Next thing you know, you feel like someone has put acid into said air can! Tears are rolling...you are aren't crying...this is an inadvertent reaction to the acid substance that just blew off the left side of your face. Now you are told to hold still for the next little surprise!
• A sweet little syringe makes it's way into the same nostril that you are quite sure doesn't even exist any longer, and liquid lidocaine proves to you that it is still there. Oh God the burn!!! You are told to swallow the lidocaine as it makes it's way from your nasal cavity into your throat...yep, now your throat is on fire!
• A cotton swab with a vaseline type substance is then placed into your nostril. Then out of the sterile silver tray that has been covered this entire time, you are introduced to the catheter of death! 1/4 inch my ass...more like a garden hose! The nurse tells you that as the catheter is inserted into your nose you may experience gagging and/or vomiting. This doesn't sound glamorous at all! The catheter starts up your nostril and proceeds down your throat. Even though you had the whole fun lidocaine experience, you still feel every centemeter of this gargantuan tube making it's way into your esophagus. Lucky for you, the nurse tells you "Wow, you have no gag reflex!" You give yourself a mental pat on the back and then realize that the comment could be misinterpreted in a sexual way. That makes you giggle a bit...not a good thing to do when said catheter is now in your throat.
• The tube is now in place, and the procedure begins. You are made to swallow 10 viles of salt water...absolutely disgusting...with this monstrosity in the way. You feel as if a beach ball is lodged in there!  After the 10th vile, you want to puke from the taste of the salt water, not the damn tube.
• Now it is time to pull the tube out. You will know to expect pain when the tech says, "Well I know you hated me through this entire procedure, but you are REALLY gonna hate me now!"  Holy hell...what next?? The tube is slowly pulled out of your nose. Imagine a garden hose with thorns all over it being pulled back out of your nose AFTER the wee bit of numbness has worn off from the lidocaine! PURE HELL!

I do not consider my version of the events an exaggeration on any level.  It is all TRUE! Just another reason to carefully consider all of the pros/cons of this surgery before going through the process.  This is not for the faint of heart.  Be prepared for some craptastic procedures...all of which have to be done in order to proceed to the next step.

Getting To Know ME

10 Places You Have Visited:

1. Hawaii
2. Belize
3. Cozumel
4. Catalina Island
5. Los Angeles, CA
6. Chicago, IL
7. Washington, DC
8. Gatlinburg, TN
9. Orlando, FL
10. Las Vegas, NV

9 Items On Your Bucket List:

1. Sing the National Anthem at a Rangers game.
2. Learn all Latin ballroom dances.
3. Own a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes (that I don't pay for...hehe).
4. Let my hair grow long one last time.
5. Get a tattoo.
6. Visit Bora Bora.
7. Complete a full ancestry for both sides of my family.
8. Open a bakery.                                                     
9. Learn to make Chantilly Cake like Liliha Bakery in Hawaii.

8 Things You Love To Eat:

1. Macaroni and Cheese
2. Apple Pie
3. Baked Potato w/ butter, cheese and bacon
4. Homemade biscuits w/ maple syrup and butter
5. Fresh green beans w/ new potatoes
6. Pecan Pie
7. Chantilly Cake
8. Ham/Cheese Sub from Lugoff House of Pizza & Subs

7 Items Currently On Your Desk/Dresser:

1. Texas Rangers Calendar
2. Purell
3. Josh Hamilton Bobblehead
4. Sparkling Grapefruit Body Butter
5. Laptop
6. Monitor (with a pic of me and Michael Young as the background)
7. Vale Training Solutions Coffee Mug

6 People (Not Living With You) That You Talk To/Text At Least Once A Week:

1. Mom
2. Dad
3. Marie Rabon
4. Mema
5. Alan Anderson
6. Leah Johnson

5 Favorite Songs:

1. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
2. You Love Me Anyway - Sidewalk Prophets
3. Open Arms - Journey
4. Alone - Heart
5. If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz

4 Things You Cannot Get Through The Day Without:

1. Caffeine
2. Music
3. Sweet Animal Kisses
4. Toothbrush/Toothpaste

3 Models Of Vehicles You Have Owned:

1. 2010 Chevrolet Camaro (Current)
2. 2002 Ford Explorer
3. 1981 Honda Civic (First Car)

2 Physical Traits That Attract You To Others:

1. Smile/Teeth
2. Ass (sorry it's true!)

1 Word To Describe Yourself:

1. Selfless

The A-Z of ME!

A. Age: 35
B. Bed size: Queen w/ leopard print sheets.
C. Chore that you hate: I absolutely hate cleaning floors!  Ewwwwww!!
D. Dogs: 1 Cocker Spaniel named Maile…we should’ve named her Naughty!
E. Essential start to your day: A delicious caffeinated beverage…preferably a mocha frappe or Co-Cola.
F. Favorite color: All-time favorite is Red, but I also LOVE bright pink.
G. Gold or Silver: Can I say white gold? If not, then silver.
H. Height: I thought I was 5’7” until the nurse at my surgeon’s office told me I was 5’5”…I’m still in denial.
I. Instruments you play: I played the clarinet in junior high.
J. Job title: Admissions
K. Kids: None
L. Live: Texas but my heart will always be in South Carolina.
M. Mother’s name: Her full name is Carol Lynn, but she goes by Lynn…beware of her wrath if you call her Carol!
N. Nicknames: Ton, NuNu, Half-Pint
O. Overnight hospital stays: None, but I have 1 scheduled for December.
P. Pet peeves: Running late…I hate being late or hate when someone is meeting me and they are late.
Q. Quote from a movie: "Oh, I'm not trying to land him, I'm just using him for sex!”  Vivian - Pretty Woman
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: I am an only child.
U. Underwear: I like plain ‘ol cotton panties.
V. Vegetable you hate: It may be shorter for me to list the vegetables I like!
W. What makes you run late: Ashley! If we are planning to go somewhere, makes sure to tell her a time that is actually 20 mins earlier than you truly want to leave.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Teeth, Chest, Head
Y. Yummy food that you make: Meatloaf, Chicken Bog, Beef Stew
Z. Zoo animal: Without a doubt…MONKEYS!

Day 1 - Purpose for this blog.

Day 1 - Purpose for this blog.

Learning to Love ME...Such a heavy title, but a much needed one.  Here is a bit of back story...
I was a dancer for 21 years...ballet, tap, jazz, contemporary...you name it I performed and taught it. Dance was the true love of my life. I felt alive and free when dancing. It was the one thing I had that nobody could take away from...that is until I realized I had taken it away from myself. At the age of 24, my life drastically changed. I became the wife of a paraplegic man (who I had been with since I was 17) and the mother to a 10 year old adopted nephew. My focus was forced to quickly shift from myself to the needs of others. Instead of taking care of me, I was taking care of two other people who truly needed me. I stopped doing all the things I loved, and dove head first into always trying to make them happy. In doing everything I could to make them happy, I lost myself. Eleven years have passed since that young age of 24, and even though time has progressed, I am still in the same state I was back then. Now, I'm just older and change is so much harder to process. What happens to someone when they live life for others and neglect themselves? For me, the answer to that question is best answered in photos.

BEFORE                                                                    AFTER

So, what do you see?  Massive weight gain! About 100lbs to be exact! You may wonder why you can't see my body on the AFTER picture. The answer is simple...I never allow pics of my body to be taken! EVER! In fact, most pictures of my face get deleted because of the pure disgust I feel when I see them. The point of me doing this blog is to come face to face with what I have allowed to happen and detail for you the steps I am going through to resolve them. I have tried every fad diet you can think of. I've exercised and lost up to 50 pounds, only to regain it plus some. I tell you this because after a tremendous amount of thought, I have decided to have bariatric surgery. I am currently in the process and will be making sure to document every single step that I have to take. Surgery is scheduled for December, 2011. This decision is not one that should be made lightly, so I hope that by being very open and honest, I can shed some light to others who may be considering surgery.

My Procedure:  GASTRIC SLEEVE

If you have a weak stomach, do not click on the link below. It is video of an actual gastric sleeve procedure.

Video of Gastric Sleeve Procedure

Step 1:  6 Month Diet w/ Weigh-ins every month.

I began this step in June, 2011.  As of today, I have weighed in 4 times. The first 2 weigh-ins, I had lost weight. The 3rd weigh-in...I GAINED! I was doing everything I was supposed to, but still gained weight! My ankles were swelling and they looked like there were going to pop at any moment! I just had my 4th weigh-in last week and I lost 4 pounds. I'm proud of that number...we will see what my October 14th weigh-in has in store for me!

Step 2:  Scope of my Esophagus and Stomach (8/2/11)

I had never been under anesthesia before this day! Quite an interesting feeling. My procedure was done by Dr. Joseph Kuhn at the Park Central Surgical Center in Dallas. During the procudure, Dr. Kuhn found that I had a Haital Hernia (a condition in which a portion of the stomach protrudes upward into the chest, through an opening in the diaphragm). This diagnosis explained a lot:

Chest Pain - Check!

Heartburn - Check!

Pulmonary Aspiration - Check!

Iron Deficiency - Check!

Guess what the #1 cause of this condition is...OBESITY!  CHECK! Yep, everything ties back to that 7-letter word!

Step 3:  Sleep Study (8/15/11)

If you have never experienced a sleep study, you have to do it for funsies.  Ok, that is a lie...it is miserable! Leads all over your head, face, torso, legs...in my personal opinion everyone will be diagnosed with sleep apnea because it is impossible to sleep with all the crap all over you. Since I'm sure my words can never give enough detail, I will show you (this is the only "body" pic that I have)! By the way, my friend in the pic is Waddles. I had to have somebody with me through this process!

As I figured, my diagnosis was...sleep apnea...I stopped breathing 57 times during my study. Kinda scary when you think about it. They also gave me the great news that I get to go back and do it again...this time wearing a CPAP mask! Woohoo...#falseexcitement

You are now caught up! Isn't this riviting! I will continue to post events as they happen.