My little secret...

Well here is a little nugget about me that I haven’t shared with a lot of people…I became a Grandma on October 20^th. 

HOW?  I thought you might wonder that.  Here is the story…

In 2001, I adopted my nephew when he was 10 years old.  He was given everything any child could ever ask for.  Spoiled was an understatement.  At the age of 18, he decided that he wanted a different life, and left home.  I have not seen him since November 17, 2008. 

To this day, I am heartbroken and destroyed by his ability to cast aside his family for drugs/alcohol/etc.  Even though I have not seen him in person in almost 3 years, I have seen pictures and he has talked to me via text a few times.  He looks horrible and does not even resemble the man I raised.  I truly don’t even recognize him.

I found out several months ago that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were expecting a little girl.  On October 20^th, Isabella was born.  I found out from his cousin via Facebook…another dagger to my heart.  Sadly enough, him hurting me has become so frequent that it is now expected.  Hate to say that I am becoming thick skinned against his antics, but it is quite true.

So I am a Grandma to a child I’ve not met, and mother to a son who decided that I wasn’t good enough, even though I took him in when NOBODY else wanted him.  Talk about feeling inadequate and unloved…really messes with your self esteem.