Day 1 - Purpose for this blog.

Day 1 - Purpose for this blog.

Learning to Love ME...Such a heavy title, but a much needed one.  Here is a bit of back story...
I was a dancer for 21 years...ballet, tap, jazz, contemporary...you name it I performed and taught it. Dance was the true love of my life. I felt alive and free when dancing. It was the one thing I had that nobody could take away from...that is until I realized I had taken it away from myself. At the age of 24, my life drastically changed. I became the wife of a paraplegic man (who I had been with since I was 17) and the mother to a 10 year old adopted nephew. My focus was forced to quickly shift from myself to the needs of others. Instead of taking care of me, I was taking care of two other people who truly needed me. I stopped doing all the things I loved, and dove head first into always trying to make them happy. In doing everything I could to make them happy, I lost myself. Eleven years have passed since that young age of 24, and even though time has progressed, I am still in the same state I was back then. Now, I'm just older and change is so much harder to process. What happens to someone when they live life for others and neglect themselves? For me, the answer to that question is best answered in photos.

BEFORE                                                                    AFTER

So, what do you see?  Massive weight gain! About 100lbs to be exact! You may wonder why you can't see my body on the AFTER picture. The answer is simple...I never allow pics of my body to be taken! EVER! In fact, most pictures of my face get deleted because of the pure disgust I feel when I see them. The point of me doing this blog is to come face to face with what I have allowed to happen and detail for you the steps I am going through to resolve them. I have tried every fad diet you can think of. I've exercised and lost up to 50 pounds, only to regain it plus some. I tell you this because after a tremendous amount of thought, I have decided to have bariatric surgery. I am currently in the process and will be making sure to document every single step that I have to take. Surgery is scheduled for December, 2011. This decision is not one that should be made lightly, so I hope that by being very open and honest, I can shed some light to others who may be considering surgery.

My Procedure:  GASTRIC SLEEVE

If you have a weak stomach, do not click on the link below. It is video of an actual gastric sleeve procedure.

Video of Gastric Sleeve Procedure

Step 1:  6 Month Diet w/ Weigh-ins every month.

I began this step in June, 2011.  As of today, I have weighed in 4 times. The first 2 weigh-ins, I had lost weight. The 3rd weigh-in...I GAINED! I was doing everything I was supposed to, but still gained weight! My ankles were swelling and they looked like there were going to pop at any moment! I just had my 4th weigh-in last week and I lost 4 pounds. I'm proud of that number...we will see what my October 14th weigh-in has in store for me!

Step 2:  Scope of my Esophagus and Stomach (8/2/11)

I had never been under anesthesia before this day! Quite an interesting feeling. My procedure was done by Dr. Joseph Kuhn at the Park Central Surgical Center in Dallas. During the procudure, Dr. Kuhn found that I had a Haital Hernia (a condition in which a portion of the stomach protrudes upward into the chest, through an opening in the diaphragm). This diagnosis explained a lot:

Chest Pain - Check!

Heartburn - Check!

Pulmonary Aspiration - Check!

Iron Deficiency - Check!

Guess what the #1 cause of this condition is...OBESITY!  CHECK! Yep, everything ties back to that 7-letter word!

Step 3:  Sleep Study (8/15/11)

If you have never experienced a sleep study, you have to do it for funsies.  Ok, that is a lie...it is miserable! Leads all over your head, face, torso, legs...in my personal opinion everyone will be diagnosed with sleep apnea because it is impossible to sleep with all the crap all over you. Since I'm sure my words can never give enough detail, I will show you (this is the only "body" pic that I have)! By the way, my friend in the pic is Waddles. I had to have somebody with me through this process!

As I figured, my diagnosis was...sleep apnea...I stopped breathing 57 times during my study. Kinda scary when you think about it. They also gave me the great news that I get to go back and do it again...this time wearing a CPAP mask! Woohoo...#falseexcitement

You are now caught up! Isn't this riviting! I will continue to post events as they happen.