Alienating ME!

Today, for the first time in a while, I started realizing just how alone I truly am.  I have 3-4 people in my life that I am in constant contact with, but other than that, there really aren't many others.  Sure you can look at my list of Facebook friends and see plenty of people listed, but how many of them are true friends?  I will assure you that I can count them on 1 hand.  So, I've been thinking about WHY I have alienated myself from almost everyone and it comes down to one word...WEIGHT!  I am so petrified of being judged, that I refuse to let anyone from my past see me and shy away from meeting anyone new.  There have even been times when Twitter friends have asked to meet up, but I say no.  Here is why...

Once upon a time, I was at a Ranger game and happened to meet someone I was friends with on Twitter.  Before meeting this person, they were always nice to me. After that chance run-in, they completely changed the way they interacted with me.  I came to the conclusion that they must not have liked the way I looked and decided to snub me.

Now, this moment did not define me, but gave me that harsh realization that people can be cruel.  My defense mechanism to this is to ostracize myself from people in hopes of alleviating the hurt that follows being judged.  The truth of the matter is...I COULDN'T CARE LESS WHAT THIS PERSON THINKS OF ME, but if they acted like that, how many others would be the same way. 

Months have now passed, and my perspective has changed a little.

After a lot of nudging from my best friend, Ashley (@microash12), I finally decided to have another tweet-up with someone that I talked to quite a bit on Twitter.  I am so thankful that I did, because she has become an instant friend.  Thank you Leah Johnson (@leahjohnson79) for showing me that I don't have to be afraid. Also, thank you Ashley for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone!  I am eternally grateful to both of you for your friendship!

This may have been a little too much insight into me, but it was on my mind, so I decided to let it out.