Double Standard

I absolutely cannot stand male chauvinistic pigs who think I can’t possibly know a thing about sports just because I have the ability to recognize a good ass.  Men look at women all the time and talk about tits and ass, and somehow magically still know about sports!  Not women…we have no clue what is going on…we just watch so we can drool over the guys.  Complete bullshit!  I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard guys talking about Hope Solo, or reporters like Emily Jones & Erin Andrews and how hot they are.  Unless there is a complete double-standard (which there is), comments like this voided those men of any sports knowledge.   

On Saturday, I refused to get into a 144 character debate with @SportsByDallas regarding why Ron Washington should not be fired (to me his value is clear).  Due to the fact that I made a decision not to banter with this particular person, I was sent the following tweets.

@SCarolinaGrl10 I wouldn't trust the baseball opinion of someone more concerned with the asses of the players than their talent anyway.

@SCarolinaGrl10 But you have one of those cool washable tattoos on your face...so clearly you are an authority on the sport.

This person, who doesn’t know me at all, then went on to call me a self-loathing female.  They have no clue who I am, but now they are the authority on ME.  I guess they know ME better than I do.  By the way…did I mention that this person doesn’t even follow me?  So how do they now me so well??

So since I don’t know ME and I know nothing about baseball, hell all sports, I will keep my mouth shut and be the subservient, self-loathing female that this person called me out to be.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I COULDN’T EVEN WRITE THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE!  NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!

Getting it off my chest!

Last night during the Ranger game, I saw things written on Twitter that pissed me off to my core.  What ever happened to WE WIN AS A TEAM AND LOSE AS A TEAM?  For some people, the concept of team goes down the drain when a person makes an error, misses a pitch, strikes out…whatever the case may be.  Is it that easy to forget that these men are human and are not perfect?  We all get upset when a game doesn’t go our way, but imagine how the players feel! 

Every man on the field has reached the majors because they are good enough to be there.  Yet pieces of crap people sit on their couches and have the nerve to talk about how horrible a player(s) is, how they should be benched and how they “fucking hate” someone.  Nobody gives a shit about your opinion and constant need to put people down.  You are not a true fan of the team, so don’t try to act like you should win fan of the year just because you own a jersey, go to games and watch on TV. 

I know diehard fans…fans that have been with the Rangers through years of losing seasons…who never speak a bad word about individuals on the team.  They have a positive outlook…the “we will get them next time” attitude.  They have taken each loss for what it is, and have also celebrated each win!   To me, these are TRUE Ranger fans.

Twitter has exposed me to some wonderful people who love the game just like I do.  However, it has also exposed me to the type of people I do not like…people who are legends in their own mind and still talk about how great they were in little league.  Somehow they feel their MVP trophy in the 1988 Championship game gives them the authority to comment on major league players/managers.  Do me a favor…when you get called up to the majors and have walked a day in the shoes of a player/manager, then open your mouth.  Until then…SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I am just as devastated as the next person about the loss last night.  We had the game won and couldn’t keep it together.  There were multiple things that contributed to the loss:  infielders made errors, pitchers missed pitches, hitters struck out, closers couldn’t save the game.  Not one single person can be blamed for the outcome.  In the press conferences after the game, each player sounded confident about Game 7.  You didn’t hear any of them pointing fingers at teammates.  Each player will reflect upon the game and what they could’ve done to change the outcome.  Far be it from us to act as experts and spew a bunch of bullshit analysis out there.  They know what they have to do.  PERIOD. 

I will admit that there is one certain player that I do not like; however, it has nothing to do with his ability to play the sport.  It has everything to do with his attitude on and off the field.  That is all I will say about that!

I guess the only thing really left for me to say is GO RANGERS!

The Bar

She was sitting at the bar…scrolling through her cell with one hand and sliding her finger around the rim of her drink with the other.  Her shirt dipped just enough for him to see a couple inches of cleavage, but left enough covered to leave him wanting to see more.  He wasn’t sure what she was reading, but every now and then the corners of her mouth turned upward to form the sexiest smile.  He walked over to her, and as he opened his mouth to speak, she put her index finger over his lips and quietly whispered, “Shhhhhh!”  She stood up from the bar stool, grabbed his arm, and led him through the crowd.  He wasn’t sure where they were going, but he was obedient and continued to follow.  She pushed open the restroom door, pulled him into a stall and slammed the door.  Neither of them spoke a word…their eyes did all of the communicating.  He tried to kiss her and she pulled away.  He tried to touch her and she removed his hands from her.  Quickly she went to the waistband of his jeans, ripped off the button, stripped down the zipper, and slid them down while making sure to remove his boxer briefs all in one pull.  Her fingers trailed along his thigh and then gently stroked him.  Once she had all of him in her hand, she knelt down and took him all in.  He felt like a million tongues were all over him, and she gave special attention to every single inch.  He grabbed her hair as she moved back and forth on him.  He had never felt such perfection.  He could feel the back of her throat and throbbed uncontrollably in her mouth.  The climax was building and he knew it wouldn’t be long.  He tried to pull her away in an attempt to be gentlemanly…she refused.  She wanted to taste him.  That turned him on even more and she could hear him starting to pant.  He thrusted deep into her and exploded.  The warmth trickled down her throat, and she let out and sexy, “mmmmmmmmm!”  She stood up, looked at him, licked her lips and smiled.  The stall door opened, she walked out and he was left standing there in amazement.  He gathered himself and walked back out into the crowd.  She was nowhere to be found.  He left the bar and returned home.  He walked in the door and there stood his wife.  “Did you have a good night?” she asked.  “Amazing night!” he replied.  She gave him a wink and the same sexy smile he had seen at the bar.  “God woman you are amazing…I never saw that one coming!”

Psych Evaluation

Today I had my psychological evaluation, which is a pre-surgical requirement for my bariatric procedure.  For any of you that truly know me, you understand that it took everything in me not to mess with the Psychologist.  As much as I REALLY wanted to, I thought it would suck pretty hard if they ended up committing me!  So, I exhibited restraint and acted as "normal" as I possibly could.  I was completely expecting to be grilled on the following topics:

• Why have you gained weight?
• What measures have you taken to lose the weight before considering surgery?
• After surgery, will you look at an entire pizza and be depressed that you can't eat it?
• Are you doing this strictly for image reasons?

I didn't get a single question that was even remotely close to any of those.  Here is what I got:

• What medications are you currently taking?
• Have you been given detailed information regarding your surgery and the risks?
• Are you aware that complications can arise from this surgery?
• Why do you want to lose weight?

THAT IS IT!  It took me longer to fill out the paperwork and make my co-pay than it did to do the evaluation.  Something is wrong here, right?  Nope!  No follow-up visit, nothing...just 4 questions and my form is signed and ready to go!

Now, I know that I am fully ready and prepared for any complications/depression/etc that may arise.  However, I know that others out there would not be.  I sure hope that maybe she saw something in me that said "this girl has it together, so let her off easy!"  I know several people who have been through this surgery that were not prepared at all for the effects/changes after the procedure.  If you ever decide to go through something like this, make sure you know all there is to know about it.  Talk to people that have done it.  Get them to tell you all about the great things and the horrible things.  Don't let anyone sugar coat it for you...get the truth!

You can expect to get the truth here!  I will never sugar coat anything...so expect real details, no matter how graphic and horrible they are! 

My little secret...

Well here is a little nugget about me that I haven’t shared with a lot of people…I became a Grandma on October 20^th. 

HOW?  I thought you might wonder that.  Here is the story…

In 2001, I adopted my nephew when he was 10 years old.  He was given everything any child could ever ask for.  Spoiled was an understatement.  At the age of 18, he decided that he wanted a different life, and left home.  I have not seen him since November 17, 2008. 

To this day, I am heartbroken and destroyed by his ability to cast aside his family for drugs/alcohol/etc.  Even though I have not seen him in person in almost 3 years, I have seen pictures and he has talked to me via text a few times.  He looks horrible and does not even resemble the man I raised.  I truly don’t even recognize him.

I found out several months ago that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were expecting a little girl.  On October 20^th, Isabella was born.  I found out from his cousin via Facebook…another dagger to my heart.  Sadly enough, him hurting me has become so frequent that it is now expected.  Hate to say that I am becoming thick skinned against his antics, but it is quite true.

So I am a Grandma to a child I’ve not met, and mother to a son who decided that I wasn’t good enough, even though I took him in when NOBODY else wanted him.  Talk about feeling inadequate and unloved…really messes with your self esteem.

Alienating ME!

Today, for the first time in a while, I started realizing just how alone I truly am.  I have 3-4 people in my life that I am in constant contact with, but other than that, there really aren't many others.  Sure you can look at my list of Facebook friends and see plenty of people listed, but how many of them are true friends?  I will assure you that I can count them on 1 hand.  So, I've been thinking about WHY I have alienated myself from almost everyone and it comes down to one word...WEIGHT!  I am so petrified of being judged, that I refuse to let anyone from my past see me and shy away from meeting anyone new.  There have even been times when Twitter friends have asked to meet up, but I say no.  Here is why...

Once upon a time, I was at a Ranger game and happened to meet someone I was friends with on Twitter.  Before meeting this person, they were always nice to me. After that chance run-in, they completely changed the way they interacted with me.  I came to the conclusion that they must not have liked the way I looked and decided to snub me.

Now, this moment did not define me, but gave me that harsh realization that people can be cruel.  My defense mechanism to this is to ostracize myself from people in hopes of alleviating the hurt that follows being judged.  The truth of the matter is...I COULDN'T CARE LESS WHAT THIS PERSON THINKS OF ME, but if they acted like that, how many others would be the same way. 

Months have now passed, and my perspective has changed a little.

After a lot of nudging from my best friend, Ashley (@microash12), I finally decided to have another tweet-up with someone that I talked to quite a bit on Twitter.  I am so thankful that I did, because she has become an instant friend.  Thank you Leah Johnson (@leahjohnson79) for showing me that I don't have to be afraid. Also, thank you Ashley for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone!  I am eternally grateful to both of you for your friendship!

This may have been a little too much insight into me, but it was on my mind, so I decided to let it out.

My Kind of Weather!

This is me today...it is a hat and scarf day!

It is currently 58 degrees...perfect weather!  Rolled in with the sunroof open this morning so I could feel the cool air!

You see any temperature over 72 is not fat girl friendly!  I'm not using that in a degrading way, I am being perfectly honest.  I will speak for just myself though...others may handle the heat just fine.  I am not the type that likes to sweat for no reason.  If I choose to sweat then that is an entirely different story, as there are some activities that will result in what I like to call a glow.

I am a huge Ranger fan, however, I refuse to go to games in 107 degree heat.  The following things are not appealing to me:

1. Hot seats taking the skin off my legs.
2. Dehydration
3. Sunburns
4. Looking like I peed my pants, but really it's just sweat!

So, feel free to invite me to games that fall in April & May or September & October...I'm not available June-August!

The Dreaded Weigh-In

Anything worth having or doing requires effort and a process to get you through.  One major step of my surgical process is a monthly weigh-in.  This is a requirement by my insurance company.  They want to see your ability to "stick" with some type of eating/exercise plan prior to surgery.  Today was my 5th weigh-in out of 6.  I lost 5 more pounds!  Woohoo!  5 might not seem like a big number, but for anyone who has battled with weight, that is a major accomplishment.  Along with my weigh-in, I had to do bloodwork for the millionth time it seems.  At least they gave me a red bandage to match the Texas Rangers gear that I am wearing. 

I am exactly 4 weeks away from my final weigh-in.  Once that is completed, all of my weight charts, letters from doctors, and surgical recommendation will be sent to the insurance liaison.  She said it will take approximately 15 days to receive approval, so looks like I will be good to go for December.  Once I have a solid surgery date, I will post it. 

Esophogeal Manometry Test

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of experiencing an Esophogeal Manometry test. I'm thinking they should probably rename this PURE HELL...just my opinion.  Here is a little info about the test:

During the test

• You are not sedated. However, a topical anesthetic (pain-relieving medication) will be applied to your nose to make the passage of the tube more comfortable.
• A small (about 1/4 inch in diameter), flexible tube is passed through your nose, down your esophagus and into your stomach. The tube does not interfere with your breathing. You will be seated while the tube is inserted.
• You may feel some discomfort as the tube is being placed, but it takes only about a minute to place the tube. Most patients quickly adjust to the tube’s presence. Vomiting and coughing are possible when the tube is being placed, but are rare.
• After the tube is inserted, you will be asked to lie on your left side. The end of the tube exiting your nose is connected to a machine that records the pressure exerted on the tube. The tube is then slowly withdrawn. Sensors at various locations on the tubing sense the strength of the lower esophageal sphincter and the muscles of the esophagus. During the test, you will be asked to swallow a small amount of water to evaluate how well the sphincter and muscles are working. The sensors also measure the strength and coordination of the contractions in the esophagus as you swallow.
• The test lasts 20 to 30 minutes. When the test is over, the tube is removed. The gastroenterologist will interpret the recordings that were made during the test.

Now that is just the nice way of saying what is going to happen during the test.  Let me give you my version of the events:

• The nurse takes an air can (like you use to clean a keyboard) and inserts that long red straw thingy into your nose. She tells you that you will feel a cold sensation that may make your eyes water a little. She asks if you are ready, and thinking "how bad can a little cold air be," you say sure! Next thing you know, you feel like someone has put acid into said air can! Tears are rolling...you are aren't crying...this is an inadvertent reaction to the acid substance that just blew off the left side of your face. Now you are told to hold still for the next little surprise!
• A sweet little syringe makes it's way into the same nostril that you are quite sure doesn't even exist any longer, and liquid lidocaine proves to you that it is still there. Oh God the burn!!! You are told to swallow the lidocaine as it makes it's way from your nasal cavity into your throat...yep, now your throat is on fire!
• A cotton swab with a vaseline type substance is then placed into your nostril. Then out of the sterile silver tray that has been covered this entire time, you are introduced to the catheter of death! 1/4 inch my ass...more like a garden hose! The nurse tells you that as the catheter is inserted into your nose you may experience gagging and/or vomiting. This doesn't sound glamorous at all! The catheter starts up your nostril and proceeds down your throat. Even though you had the whole fun lidocaine experience, you still feel every centemeter of this gargantuan tube making it's way into your esophagus. Lucky for you, the nurse tells you "Wow, you have no gag reflex!" You give yourself a mental pat on the back and then realize that the comment could be misinterpreted in a sexual way. That makes you giggle a bit...not a good thing to do when said catheter is now in your throat.
• The tube is now in place, and the procedure begins. You are made to swallow 10 viles of salt water...absolutely disgusting...with this monstrosity in the way. You feel as if a beach ball is lodged in there!  After the 10th vile, you want to puke from the taste of the salt water, not the damn tube.
• Now it is time to pull the tube out. You will know to expect pain when the tech says, "Well I know you hated me through this entire procedure, but you are REALLY gonna hate me now!"  Holy hell...what next?? The tube is slowly pulled out of your nose. Imagine a garden hose with thorns all over it being pulled back out of your nose AFTER the wee bit of numbness has worn off from the lidocaine! PURE HELL!

I do not consider my version of the events an exaggeration on any level.  It is all TRUE! Just another reason to carefully consider all of the pros/cons of this surgery before going through the process.  This is not for the faint of heart.  Be prepared for some craptastic procedures...all of which have to be done in order to proceed to the next step.