Learning to love yourself is a process. This blog is an unedited journal of my journey to find out how to love myself and find the value and worth of ME!
Friday, January 27, 2012
6 Weeks Post-Op: Side-by-Side
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Little Baby Banana Tummy
So, Ashley (@microash12) loves to call me "Little Baby Banana Tummy", so this post is just for her!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Side-by-Side (1 month, 3 days post-op)
This was me 2 weeks before surgery...
And this is me today (1 month and 3 days post-op)...
Sorry about the phone in the face...it's the only way I could take the pic!
I hate seeing the before, but it tells me where I was and allows me to be so happy about how far I've come. Here is my weekly side-by-side comparison:
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
1 Month Post-Op
Monday, January 16, 2012
One Stormy Night
"Hey, you're not cancelling on me are you?" he asked instead of answering with the normal Hello!
"No, I'm just running late..." as I tried to continue with my sentence he cut me off.
"You sound really flustered. Should I just come over to your place and bring some food and wine?"
Was he reading my mind? Nothing sounded better to me than dry clothes, good food, delicious wine and a gorgeous man to share it with.
"Really? You wouldn't mind doing that tonight?" I asked.
"I would actually prefer it. Is that ok with you?" he asked.
"Sounds great. See ya soon."
I hung up the phone, opened up the car door and bolted back into the house. I knew I had approximately 45 minutes before he arrived and felt like I had so much to do. I ran around lighting candles and tidying up before realizing that I still looked like complete crap and needed to do something to make myself presentable. At this point, the only possible solution to matted curly hair was a hair tie and a few bobby pins...at least my make-up was still intact. I searched through my closet for my favorite pair of True Religion jeans, a white boyfriend tee, and some silver jewelry. This look would have to do for tonight. Not quite how I imagined him seeing me for our first date, but the doorbell rang signaling that my time was up!
I opened the door, and there he stood completely drenched! Gorgeous...but soaking wet! I took the bags from his hands and said, "Thanks for the delivery!" as I pretended to shut the door. He stood there laughing as water dripped all down his precious face. He stepped inside but refused to move from the ceramic tile that covered my entry way. I grabbed a towel and walked back toward him.
"You really should take off that shirt. Let me put it in the dryer for you." I offered.
"Oh nice one. We aren't even 5 minutes into this date and you're already begging me to take off my clothes." he said through a huge grin.
I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Why? Because part of his statement was true...I wanted to see him without a shirt!
"Yep...you know me! Just take off the shirt and let me dry it!" I said jokingly.
He grabbed the bottom of his shirt, and did that crossed arm over the head thing that all guys do. It always looks so sexy for some reason. His chest and arms were covered in tattoos, all of which had stories to go along with them. I had seen pictures of them, but I didn't realize how beautiful they were until I was able to see them in person. I took the shirt into the laundry room and started the dryer. When I walked back into the kitchen, I was able to finally give him a huge hug. He planted the sweetest and softest kiss on my cheek. I melted a little, then tried to regain myself.
"I hope you like Italian. I didn't know what to get, but thought it might go well with wine."
Truth be told, he could have shown up with McDonald's and I wouldn't have cared. I just wanted to see him. "I guess that will have to do!" I said sarcastically.
After I plated the food, I created a cozy little picnic like area around my coffee table. I didn't want the whole formal setting of dinner at the table. I just wanted both of us to be relaxed. The wine kept flowing, and I could feel my ears beginning to tingle a little. This was my sign to stop, as I wanted to be in complete control of my actions.
During dinner, we talked about our families and engaged in a Q&A about each other. He genuinely took an interest in what made me who I am. I asked about his tattoos and he told me the stories of each one and why they meant so much to him. We talked for hours and didn't even notice the time passing. At one point, the the song "Crazy For You" by Adele was playing in the background and caught his attention. He stood up, grabbed for my hands and asked me to dance with him. He held me so close and danced so gracefully with me. His eyes never left mine the entire time. After one of his cute spins, one of my curls fell from the bobby pin that previously secured it. He reached down to my face and gently brushed the curl behind my ear. He ended the dance with the sweetest dip and kiss on the cheek. Such a gentleman.
After our dance, we cleared our picnic and decided to go for a walk since the rain had stopped. I grabbed his shirt from the dryer, and watched him slide it over his beautiful abs. We headed out the front door, and he quickly grabbed my hand to hold it. We walked hand-in-hand and talked for about an hour. Realizing that the moon had become our only light, we walked back to my front door.
"I guess I should get going," he said.
My heart sank into my stomach, as I didn't want him to leave, yet I knew it was the right thing to do. I did not want to allow myself to give into this man on the first date.
"Thank you for an amazing night. I really appreciate you coming over." I was so grateful he had rescued me from showing up and meeting him soaking wet and flustered.
"It was my pleasure," he said as he reached for my hand. "May I please kiss you goodnight?" Did he really just ask me that?? I didn't even answer...I just leaned into him. His lips were so soft and his kiss was perfection.
In that instance, I was jolted!
Jolted from a deep sleep! This was all a dream! I rolled over to find my boyfriend of 8 months lying next to me sound asleep. I got out of bed and went into the kitchen for some water. I was shaken...the guy I was dreaming about had asked me out a couple of weeks prior, not knowing I was in a relationship. He was obviously on my mind.
This dream made me question everything about my current relationship. Things had not been going well, and I was realizing that I didn't love him. I grabbed a blanket and pillow and slept on the couch the remainder of the night. The next morning, I had a talk with my boyfriend, and broke things off. I was not being fair to him by staying in a relationship when I knew it wasn't going to grow.
A few weeks passed, and I decided it was time to contact "Mr. Tattoo" and accept his date. When he answered, he immediately remembered me and asked if I was ready for him to take me out. I said yes and we set a date.
As I was getting ready to go and meet him, I began to hear thunder and the sound of raindrops...
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Down 2 Sizes!!
I'M DOWN 2 SIZES!!!! I'm so happy! Woohoo!!! I still have a long way to go, but at least I can see a bit of progress.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Side-by-Side Pics
PRE-OP TODAY
My Type A-Z
Affectionate, not antagonistic. |
Bold, not boisterous. |
Confident, not cocky. |
Dynamic, not domineering. |
Enticing, not elusive. |
Factual, not fake. |
Gregarious, not grim. |
Humble, not haughty. |
Intelligent, not impulsive. |
Jazzy, not junky. |
Knockout, not know-it-all. |
Loyal, not lax. |
Meticulous, not messy. |
Nice, not naive. |
Observant, not obsessive. |
Poised, not passive. |
Quiet, not quiescent. |
Reverent, not radical. |
Spirited, not spiteful. |
Tolerant, not truculent. |
Unfailing, not unfaithful. |
Vigorous, not violent. |
Willing, not willful. |
Xhuberant, not Xhibitionist |
Yearnful, not yucky. |
Zealous, not zoned-out. So I may have cheated on one...hehe...but it was fun! |
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
25 Days Post-Op
I am starting to see the weight loss in my face and in my boobs. My clothes are starting to get a bit baggy. I bought 1 new pair of pants that were a size down, and they are already too big. I guess everyone will have to see me in baggy clothes for a little while. No sense in spending money on new sizes that I am just going to pass by quickly.
Previously, I promised some hospital pics, so here they are!!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Happy New Year!
What a way to start the new year...down almost 40lbs! I am so excited for 2012. I'm well on my way to a healthier new me. I had a great check-up on Friday...I was released to eat soft foods!! My first meal was a scrambled egg sandwich (1 piece of bread and 1 egg). I was only able to eat half, but it was delicious!! Yesterday, I ate the traditional NYD meal...well a few bites anyway.
So now for a few resolutions:
1. Go out with my girlfriends once a month.
2. Call my family in SC once a week.
3. Cook a new meal every week.
4. Learn to sew.
5. Start volunteering.
I'm sure there are more, but those are the things I will be focusing on.
Wishing you all a successful new year!